Sunday, August 28, 2011

Broken English Bulgarian and Oversexualized Steve

Due to the sticky situation that I have participated in longer than I'd like to admit, I have taken up the fun sport of internet dating again.  Since my last experiences and an overall improvement in emotional health I believe that I am more prepared for my upcoming experiences.  I started back with a free site, probably not the "safest" idea.  Most free dating websites have a reputation just being for hookups and filthy encounters.  I have gone on a few unsuccessful, yet tolerable dates which made it worth going back to.

So, the website is equipped with a fun little chat feature, which enables gentlemen to immediately communicate with you in real time.  My first gentleman chat was a non ugly looking fellow, who's grammar was poor.  There were several miscommnications during the chat.  When I started to sign off, the gent asked me for my phone number.  I'll admit being flattered, but more so, I was uncertain how I could say no.  So, I didn't, I gave him my phone number.  He started texting me almost immediately.  Again, miscommunications ensued.  I even accused him at one point of propositioning me for a booty call.  Well, the poor lad was utterly confused at this point, he couldn't figure out what I was talking about.  It took several more text messages to find out that the gentleman with the poor grammar was from Bulgaria and his broken English was not translating well in either instant message or text message.  Needless to say, I discontinued our "relationship."

I took another attempt at bat in the realm of internet dating.  So, I guess I should admit that I typically avoid the "pretty" guys.  I tend to talk more to the gentlemen with a couple more pounds to them and the ones who DO not have in their profile paragraphs describing their obsession with working out.  I tend to believe that it is better to end a convo with a geeky and uncertain guy rather than listen to an arrogant one talk about himself for far too long.  Well, tonight, I started talking to what I thought was a "normal" guy.  Ugh!!

We flirted, I busted his chops about something stupid, we exchanged banter.  As the conversation ensued, his suggestion and sexual innuendo became less veiled.  I was taken aback after this gentle man persistently asked me to come to his place.  When he was turned down, he offered phone sex.  I told him that I was old fashioned and if he didn't like he could move on, I was going to apologize.  So, he seemed to back off, and we were able to talk about other things.  Until, he asked for my phone number.... UMMMM.  Here I was again, did I learn from my previous phone number mishap, NO.  I gave him my digits.  He behaved for several text and I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, unlike my previous phone encounter, but unfortunately, I should have been more careful.  At one point it even got so bad there was mention of a tongue and an often unmentionable special lady part.  I was uncomfortable.  I called him out one last time and he apoligized, he tried to explain that it could have been worse, I gave him one last chance (did I mention he was asking me out for the home opener of the bears game... my threshold for intolerable was raised).  The next after the apology read as follows, "craziest place u've had sex, fav position."  I ended the conversation immediately telling him that I am looking for a gentleman who has more in his conversational repertoire than the basest of all topics... sex.  I'm no prude, but seriously.

Can't wait for what else is out there.... 

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